Day Twenty

This has been a rollercoaster of emotions waiting to be ridden. Wow! It has been 6 days since insemination and here I am waiting. Saturday I started the Crinone (progesterone) gel. This one is administered internally…. Not so pleasant. Apparently it is supposed to help my uterus prepare for implantation and support an egg into the first few weeks of pregnancy. It makes me slightly uncomfortable. Luckily for me, the symptoms of this are also those if early pregnancy symptoms. The joys of life I tell you!!

I have been feeling rather fine since insemination. I have a lot of worry but have focused in bigger things so that I can overcome this. 

My largest fear right now is spotting. Every month I begin spotting from expected day of implantation until my period. Often this lasts for 14 days. Every month it informs me that we were unsuccessful. It is worrisome that this is my body telling me that I am unable to support an egg in my uterus. Again, hard to get past. Yesterday I had spotting. Just a very quick second. I panicked. I don’t have the heart to tell my husband as I fear I will worry him. Today I have cramps and feel bleh.  

I do all that I can to tell myself that this is going to work, we just needed the boost!!  I focus on the fact that it can happen any time it just takes a bit. I try and ignore all signs and symptoms for my own sanity. I pray for all the women out there who are going through this, who feel alone. Who have lost so much hope. 

We are all in this together and hopefully all come out on top. After, we are strong and brave women. Especially ones who will do what it takes to give life to one of our own. 

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